Thot Was Poo-er Defendin'

Soccer is huge all over the world - except in North America where it's the sport that people play as kids, but grow out of it when manly sports like football and hockey become available. It's boring. It's played by anyone with an accent; and mostly in those poorer countries. It's a sport where diving and flailing around trying to draw a penalty is rewarded and manly play isn't. But hey, that's another blog...and I actually like playing soccer.

One thing you can't say that's boring though, is the British announcers. How can you not like the following phrases:


He struck that with real venom.
They've unleashed a brace of strikes.
They must be feeling well and truly flenned (circumcised).
The ball fizzed at him.
He goes to ground.

The striker is dispossessed of the ball.
He takes it down with some duress.
He's on his mettle tonight.
The ball is lashed out of play.
He's a real buccaneering fullback.

The goalie scuttled across the crease.
The ball is wicked out of play. ('wikt', not 'wikkid')
He had all the time in the world to steady the ship.
That was a total fresh-air shot.
That ball was clinically struck.

They're really in the ascendancy.
There's some real cut and thrust there.
The ball scuffs wide.
He balloons it out of bounds.
They're 2 goals to the good.

He comes out at a canter; now at a gallop.
What a blinding goal!
That move was strangled at birth.
He bursts into the area - he's foiled.
He traps the ball...straight out of the manual.

That was a lusty challenge.
He made a real meal out of that.
What a cracking shot on net!


And I like it how the announcer on the CBC just tacks the name of the team or player on at the end: They're really up against it now, Argentina. It's just enough distraction to sometimes make it watchable - especially when one of the cheating/diving teams gets knocked out like when Germany trashed Argentina (and Diego Maradonna) 4-0* today.


I didn't really have a horse in this race, seeing as I hate the way England has played in recent years, but now I do: Per Mertesacker of Germany. You know the German team, the catchy Die deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft. Anyway, here's why I'm willing my good buddy Per on to victory:

• We play the same position, defense.
• We're the same height.
• "Per" in Old English means 'man who lives by a pear tree' - and I have a pair of trees out front on my boulevard.
• We have the same first initial.
• Our last names are close to being associated with death...mUerte means 'death' in Spanish; totmanN means 'dead man' in German.
• "...his game is unusually clean for a defender, evident by his relatively few bookings." Hey, me too.


So there you go - now you know who to cheer for. I like the way the Dutch play too - I might have to check out their last names and stuff.


P
* You have to say "Four - nil" in soccer.

Are You Positive?

Like batteries, all people are both positive and negative. I would say that the percentage of each shows one's character. Sounds kind of formulaic, but that's who I am - I loves me the formulas. If you're negative and petty, you get a fancy German word: Schadenfreude. It means to delight in someone's sorrow or misfortune. If you're positive, you get a less-well-known Buddhist word: Mudita. It's usually translated as: sympathetic or altruistic joy, the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people's well-being rather than begrudging it.

Why am I blabbing about this? Because the Chicago Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup. More importantly Chris Pronger, of the Philadelphia Flyers, didn't win it. After the incredible bad-mouthing he's given Edmonton after he left the Oilers, he's an easy target. He said that we burned his kid's crib on the street when he left town. Sheesh - the company who he rented it from flatly denied that anything was amiss. I don't want to be against him, and I normally avoid it, but this is one where I'm okay with it. I did think the picture of Pronger with a woman's legs and the title "Chrissy Pronger" was stupid though. He's probably the best defenceman in the NHL right now, and one of the greatest of all time - but since he embarked on a Scorched Earth Policy after the Oilers had bent over backwards for him...I don't have to cheer for him.

On the Blackhawks' side, Marian Hossa has played on the last two Stanley Cup finalist losing teams (even shifting away from the team that won it the next year), and some people were hoping against him just for that - kind of like the Buffalo Bills losing four straight Superbowls back in the 90's. I couldn't cheer against him though - he's good, and I've never had reason not to like him and his effort. He was even classy when people were quizzing him on how it felt to leave the winning team.

I can see why people would cheer against someone like him, but it's petty. I don't want to be petty. Being petty and jealous stems from self-loathing, and I believe acting like that furthers it. That's another Buddhist thing. The way you act reinforces that pathway - when you're judged, your next phase is based upon how righteous your path is. How well-worn your Buddhist path is will tend to make you go down that path in your next life as well - and judged upon your results at the end of it again. And again. I'm not a Buddhist, but they've got some cool things. Humble and sensible things.

Instead of cheering against Pronger, I looked a little harder at the opposition and found reasons why they would be good stewards of the Stanley Cup. That's a bit nit-picky, but it was as good as I could do in this case.

Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza vs Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich was a draw, so here's a few reasons I found to cheer for Chicago in the final:

• The Hossa thing.
• The hard work of young Captain Jonathan Toews (pronounced Taves) for Canada in the Olympics, and previously in the World Juniors.
• They hadn't won The Cup since 1961.
• They have a guy named Byfuglien (pronounced Bufflin or Buglin, I could never tell).