If I had Twitter, I tell you what I'd do...

I don't tweet, but maybe I will some day. It turns out, so might my mum. She was asking about a Twitter account because the media was talking about how it was changing regimes and politics and society and all that. Maybe Mum will organize a flash-mob to bake some brownies, or to sweep up all that annoying sand around the Sphinx while those people are protesting in Egypt. It's not always about revolution - sometimes it's about grit in your shoes.


If I tweet, then I'll be able to get rid of my backlog of ideas too small to be blogs. Or maybe I could just blog smaller. I didn't check for the max 140 character thing, but I'll include some hashtags anyway so I can port them directly into my future Twitter account:





• My neighbours' dog Sophie always wants me to take her to run around and maybe chase pointlessly an inanimate object. She's so simple, easily amused, and fooled by fake throws. She just doesn't understand that I have important complex human things to do - like play football. #dogs #sports #pointless

• Butterflies are crappy fliers. They're barely able to keep aloft or flying in the right direction. So random. Hey look, two are doing exactly the same pattern. Ahhhh, bird avoidance. #butterfly #evolution

• If you argue for karma, OJ finally getting thrown in jail for life sure helps your case. #OJ #karma





• I used to watch the Old Faithful webcam and make up nicknames and back-stories for the people: Dude-with-Dog, White-Shorts-Gal, Guy-not-Looking, Bored-Kid, Guy-Who-Just-Missed-it-but-Who's-Going-to-Wait-for-an-Hour, Fighting-Couple, etc. #oldfaithful #webcam

• Speaking of geysers, I laughed like a drain when Mum and Dad pronounced it geezer. #geyser #british #pronunciation #funny

• Technically, I should like those reality 'Idol' shows because the politics is removed and it's just a fair competition. Maybe it's because they put politics and gamesmanship back in with internet voting and such. #idol #realitytv #sucks





• The only time I went to the horse races, despite my dad and brothers and me all being analytical sciencey dudes, the only one who came out ahead was Mum. She bet on things like: "That jockey has a degree from the UofA" and "That horse has nice white feet." #horseracing #betting #n00b

• Soccer City, South Africa. The only city in the world named after the game and they chose Soccer, not Football. Now stop calling it Football and leave that to the proper North American kind. #football #soccer #sayitright

• When I was walking upstairs, a weird knob fell onto the dryer behind me. There's nothing above the dryer except floor joists. It came from nowhere. Creepy. #ironcladproof #ghosts





• A girl's definition of last-minute shopping is so far off of a guy's definition that they should not be jointly discussed. #girlsvsguys #shopping

• Fact: The Windsors (British royalty) were named after Windsor Castle, not vice versa. #royalty #windsors #windsorcastle

• Fact: Hitler grew his mustache as a tribute to Charlie Chaplin. #tribute #hitler #chaplin #geethanks





• I pulled a knife off a plate and it went "Shingggggggg" - just like a sword from a scabbard in the movies or a video game. I tried and tried, but it was not reproduceable. #knife #sword #soundeffect #fail

• How fast do pregnancy tests really need to be? 10 days isn't fast enough - it has to be 5? Are you heavily into drugs or alcohol and will only stop when pregnant? Is the sex tiresome? #pregnancytestspeed #unnecessary

• In conjunction with sanding and salting roads, they should spray that airplane de-icing fluid from cropdusters. #solutionicyroads #genius



Okay, I'm all set...look for Mum and me on Twitter!

Are You Positive?

Like batteries, all people are both positive and negative. I would say that the percentage of each shows one's character. Sounds kind of formulaic, but that's who I am - I loves me the formulas. If you're negative and petty, you get a fancy German word: Schadenfreude. It means to delight in someone's sorrow or misfortune. If you're positive, you get a less-well-known Buddhist word: Mudita. It's usually translated as: sympathetic or altruistic joy, the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people's well-being rather than begrudging it.

Why am I blabbing about this? Because the Chicago Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup. More importantly Chris Pronger, of the Philadelphia Flyers, didn't win it. After the incredible bad-mouthing he's given Edmonton after he left the Oilers, he's an easy target. He said that we burned his kid's crib on the street when he left town. Sheesh - the company who he rented it from flatly denied that anything was amiss. I don't want to be against him, and I normally avoid it, but this is one where I'm okay with it. I did think the picture of Pronger with a woman's legs and the title "Chrissy Pronger" was stupid though. He's probably the best defenceman in the NHL right now, and one of the greatest of all time - but since he embarked on a Scorched Earth Policy after the Oilers had bent over backwards for him...I don't have to cheer for him.

On the Blackhawks' side, Marian Hossa has played on the last two Stanley Cup finalist losing teams (even shifting away from the team that won it the next year), and some people were hoping against him just for that - kind of like the Buffalo Bills losing four straight Superbowls back in the 90's. I couldn't cheer against him though - he's good, and I've never had reason not to like him and his effort. He was even classy when people were quizzing him on how it felt to leave the winning team.

I can see why people would cheer against someone like him, but it's petty. I don't want to be petty. Being petty and jealous stems from self-loathing, and I believe acting like that furthers it. That's another Buddhist thing. The way you act reinforces that pathway - when you're judged, your next phase is based upon how righteous your path is. How well-worn your Buddhist path is will tend to make you go down that path in your next life as well - and judged upon your results at the end of it again. And again. I'm not a Buddhist, but they've got some cool things. Humble and sensible things.

Instead of cheering against Pronger, I looked a little harder at the opposition and found reasons why they would be good stewards of the Stanley Cup. That's a bit nit-picky, but it was as good as I could do in this case.

Chicago Deep-Dish Pizza vs Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich was a draw, so here's a few reasons I found to cheer for Chicago in the final:

• The Hossa thing.
• The hard work of young Captain Jonathan Toews (pronounced Taves) for Canada in the Olympics, and previously in the World Juniors.
• They hadn't won The Cup since 1961.
• They have a guy named Byfuglien (pronounced Bufflin or Buglin, I could never tell).