I, Gobot

According to the TV channel Space; here are the top 10 robot or cybernetic organisms:


10 General Grievous -- Star Wars
9 NS-5 -- I, Robot
8 Ash -- Alien
7 Kroenen -- Hellboy
6 The Gunslinger -- Westworld
5 The Borg -- Star Trek
4 Robocop -- Robocop
3 The Daleks -- Doctor Who
2 The Cylons -- Battlestar Galactica
1 The Terminator -- The Terminator


I must say that I'm happy that The Terminator was ranked #1. Even though I hate the hackneyed paradoxical sci-fi premise of backwards time-travel - I love the first Terminator movie. That's how friggin' good it is. If they could combine The Terminator, The Shawshank Redemption, The Usual Suspects, and Casablanca - that'd only be the most awesome supercool movie of all time. Tentative last scene dialogue:

Rick: We'll always have Paris, Texas. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Shawshank. We got it back last night.
Ilsa: ...When I said I would never leave you.
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too...[blah blah]...hill of beans...[blah blah]...Kaiser Soze's looking at you, kid.
Ilsa: Ah'll be baak.


Notable exceptions from the list:

• ED 209, Robocop -- possibly dropped because of inability to handle concrete stairs, or its name being associated with a certain flaccidity.
• Steve Austin, Six Million Dollar Man -- large lapels too goofy, yet not big enough to starch up into a Batman-style collar.
• Jamie Sommers, Bionic Woman -- would've added some feminine appeal to the list. As would any number of any gynoids, fembots, buffybots, terminatrixes, or sexy sexy 7of9 from Star Trek.


Also, they didn't mention if they were talking about the old cylons or the new cylons. Vaguery just isn't acceptable in something so important. I'm going to go with the old-school cylons because of their awesome voices.


Are you a true geek? Then you won't have any problems matching up these quotations with the above shows:

"You are experiencing a car accident."
"I can feel them...but I can't remember them."
"Nice night for a walk."
"We wish to improve ourselves."
"A survivor...unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality."
"Boy, have we got a vacation for you."
"I could beat you with two...no, three arms tied behind my back."
"We are the superior beings."
"Red means stop."
"The final annihilation of the lifeform known as Man. Let the attack begin."

ANSWERS

Whose Wine?

Have you ever been invited to Mr & Mrs Dullsville's and are fighting for a conversation starter? Fear no more:

• Wayne Gretzky Wine

No, I'm not kidding, it really exists. Now I'm no oenophile, and I've only tried the merlot, but it was actually pretty good. Obviously he's only lending his name to an existing product, but something like a dollar from every bottle goes towards buying sports equipment for disadvantaged kids. Kind of like that Right to Play program. If you're not Mr/Ms Fancy Wine Person, give it a shot. Mike Weir and Dan Ackroyd have similar product lines - although Ackroyd's appears to be about twice as expensive. Is it better - anyone?

If you're like me and are just going to buy wine based upon the time-honoured technique of the silliness of the animal on the label, why not support a bit of local/Canadian winesmanship and some worthy charities? If you're a brave accounting-type person, you could try writing it off as a charitable deduction. Keep your receipts. Tell me how that works for you - I believe there's internet access in jail.


Sign of the Apocalypse: Someone actually makes Hello Kitty wine.


But, is that the weirdest wine name?

• Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush
• Fairview Goats do Roam
• Clos di pise
• Fat Bastard / Fat Boy
• Bitch Bitch

• Cardinal Zin / 7 Deadly Zins
• Hooligans / Dudes
• Red Said Fred
• Barrel Monkey Shiraz
• Two Left Feet

• Big Yellow Cab
• Marilyn Merlot
• Bored Doe
• The Prisoner
• Ten Minutes by Tractor

• Boots, Pasties, Scanty Panties and Ten Gallon Hat
• The Ball Buster
• 47 Pound Rooster
• Chateau de Tourrettes


Best name has to be: Dead Arm Shiraz.


Certainly they are better names than Hello Kitty Wine, but they lack that Japanese creep factor of naming alcohol after a children's cartoon character. What if this gets out of hand and they start using other cartoons, comic book superheroes, TV characters, celebrities, or groups?


• Mel Pinot Blanc may sound funny, but you'd find it everywhere.
• Paul Reiser would be mad not to market a Paul Riesling.
• Feel like a broody superhero with some Pinot Dark Knight Noir.
• CSI fans would bug-out upon investigating a Pinot Grissom.
• Paul Sorvino and his fellas could market a good Paul Sauvignon.

• Imagine enjoying a full-bodied 1968 Brigitte Bordeaux.
• Mission Grape: Impossible...good for cruising.
• In the South, there must be a racy White Power Zinfandel.
• It might be cheap and tasteless, but you'd laugh like an idiot after some Dom Zinfandeluise.


My hair dresser's gay - some day I might just tip him with a box of Cherdonnay or a tart Cheraz.


Need something to go with it? Maybe some Hell's Angels-Hair Pasta.


Cheers!