Double Double

If one is good, then doubling or having two must be better - or so goes conventional wisdom. But is this actually true? The result of my exhaustive, in-depth research is below:


Gobble -- Bad, if someone sees you eating like this.
Gobble Gobble -- Good, if you're a turkey.

20 -- A good blackjack hand to 'stand' on, but a bad IQ.
20/20 -- Good for vision; good for a newsmagazine TV show.

30 -- No big deal for a guy, but one of several traumatic ages for a gal.
30/30 -- A decent Winchester rifle; a very good season for a baseball batter (30 HR's, 30 stolen bases).

40 -- A lot of hard liquor or malt beer.
40/40 -- An elite baseball batter's season. Only four have done it, and only ONE of those hasn't been officially linked to steroids.

50 -- A rapper. I'm not a fan, although some are.
50/50 -- A good little lottery at a sporting event.
50/50 -- An excellent batting percentage, sucky field goal kicker's average, and an atrocious goals-against average (except for a soccer goalkeeper on penalty shots).

So -- Bad. Your teenage daughter is copping an attitude.
So-So -- Meh.

No -- Nancy Reagan's contribution to drug education.
No-No -- Normally it's a bad thing to be doing, but it's a great thing to be doing if you're a baseball pitcher (no hitter).

Hit -- A decent at-bat in baseball or cricket.
Hit a Double -- A good at-bat, but a great date with one of those Wrigley's Gum girls.

Burger -- Good.
Double Bacon Cheeseburger -- Great.

Play -- Good freewheeling fun; live theatre.
Double Play -- Good teamwork on the diamond.
Hit into a Double Play -- Would've been better to just strike out.

Stunt -- A bad thing that you did on your bike, or convinced your little brother to do; BNL's most successful album.
Stunt Double -- Good for not getting your face smashed in while filming a movie.

Ganger -- A bad choice in the 'hood.
Doppelganger -- Good, if he's well-behaved. Bad, if he's a guy who forgets to call back the ladies.

Tu -- Bad, if you're Caesar and it's March 15.
Tutu -- Good, if you're a ballerina. Bad, if you're a male ballet dude.
Jacob Two-Two -- Anyone who fights The Hooded Fang is good.

Yo -- Bad. I believe that only whiggers use this term.
Yo-Yo -- I'm not sure about the original hunting yoyos, but the toy is okay. It's also a good way to get your rapper homies to listen the f**k up.

Sex -- If you have to ask...
Sex with Twins -- Good if they're sexy, but bad if they're the Minnesota Twins.

Drinking -- Good.
Drinking Doubles -- Less good fast.

Seeing -- Seeing is both believing, and good.
Seeing Double -- Bad.

Bogey -- A poorly-played hole in golf.
Double Bogey -- A worsely-played hole in golf, but a good film night.

Yeah -- Good. An attentive or agreeable answer.
Yeah Yeah -- Bad. You're getting lipped off.

Double -- A nice coffee order from Tim Horton's.
Double Double -- A fantastic coffee order from Tim Horton's - unless you're lactose intolerant or diabetic.

Pneumonia/Hernia/Amputee -- Bad.
Double Pneumonia/Hernia/Amputee -- Worse, unless you're obsessive-compulsive about symmetry.

Win -- Good. Yay, we won!
Win-Win Scenario -- An annoying middle-management phrase, but a good thing to have happen to you and someone you like.

D Cup -- Mmmmm, saucy.
DD Cup -- Downright insouciant.

Blind -- Bad.
Double Blind -- Good. A key scientific testing method.

Jar -- A good container for your stuff, especially when nailed to the ceiling of your workshop.
Jar Jar Binks -- A horrible joke perpetrated by George Lucas in Star Wars: The Phantom Mentace. Relax, there's relief.

Tar -- Great, if you're needing to seal a roadway, roof, or get messed up quick.
Steak Tartar -- Raw beef or horsemeat...your call.
Tar Tar Sauce -- Again, goes to taste.

Dubble -- A fair-trade chocolate bar in the UK; I'll assume it's good.
Dubble Bubble -- is a decent old-school gum.

Tut -- Good. THE young mac-daddy king of the ancient Egyptians.
Tut Tut -- Bad. An English librarian is cross with you.

McTwist 1260 -- A good, but not specular, snowboard stunt.
Double McTwist 1260 -- Good, if you're the ONE guy in the world who can do it, and consequently win an Olympic gold medal in snowboarding.

Oreos -- A good, sensible amount of desserty snack.
Double Stuff Oreos -- If tipping points leading to obesity and class 1 diabetes are bad, then this be bad.

Co -- Good, if you're a co-winner of a lottery. Bad, if you're a co-defendant.
Coco -- Good, if you're a fan of Grant Fuhr or Conan O'Brien.

Jeopardy -- Being in jeopardy is bad.
Double Jeopardy -- Good. It protects you from being tried twice for the same thing. Plus, all dollar values are doubled.

Chitty Bang -- Bad. Engrish for Citibank.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang -- A double double film name, and one of the easiest titles to pornify (Did you change the "C" or the "H"? Either way, you're sick). A wonderful old non-Disney kid's movie with Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews - except that it wasn't Julie Andrews, it was Sally Ann Howes.


So, my conclusion is that I just put together a bunch of barely-related words in a Demetri Martin-esque manner and called it a blog. And not even a blog blog.