The King T Shaving Method

Star Trek Bumhead

Okay, I'll try not to oversell this incredible new shaving technique that I've developed. It'll be difficult, but I'll do my best. I haven't been able to find an existing reference to it and I'm pretty good on The Google. Thus, I've at least independently developed it, like how both Isaac Newton and Leibnitz independently discovered infinitesimal calculus - but I don't have to tell you physics history buffs that.


This is the situation that it's most useful, although it could be used at other times:

- You may be poor, but probably just lazy
- You have a few days' worth of beard or more
- You only shave with a blade and shaving cream
- You don't own an electric beard/sideburn trimmer



Normally when debearding, one would take the trimmer and shear off the bulk of the beard, then shave electrically or with a safety razor and shaving cream. And this can still happen, but what if you only have a safety razor?

Shawn

It can always be done if you put enough time to it, but the clogging of the blades is the biggest time-vampire. It's also friggin' annoying. After about half an inch of travel there's so much hair in the blades that it's now skipping across and not cutting anymore. This means the process takes forever, as you have to constantly swish the razor in the sink or run it backwards on a towel or whatever.


Okay, so here it is, with no warranty implied or stated:


1) Soak down your beard and foam it, like normal.

2) Instead of drawing the razor down until it jams, VIBRATE IT UP AND DOWN LIKE YOU'RE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH -- KEEPING THE RAZOR AGAINST YOUR FACE.

2 a) CRITICALLY IMPORTANT: THE HEAD OF THE RAZOR IS ORIENTED LIKE THE TOOTHBRUSH, NOT THE HANDLE OF THE RAZOR. SHUDDER. THE OTHER WAY IS...OKAY, NO...PUSHING IMAGE OUT OF MY BRAIN.

3) I sh*t you not.

4) Now just keep going (sideways, with razor moving up and down), and you'll leave a section clear of beard. Just keep going and going and going...the razor never jams!


It is the damnedest thing. The upwards movement must draw the hair back out immediately and keep the cutting edge clear. I don't know the actual up/down distance, but it was about 1/2 and inch to 3/4 of an inch with me. The foam and hair just keeps piling up beneath the razor and onto the handle. I tried it with both 2 and 3 weeks of beard. Again, it's the damnedest thing.

Are you in, genius?

I now take my place among the great inventors and geniuses in history. Since I'm not asking for money, although I ask that this method be known as the King T Shaving Method, I must also take my place among the world's great philanthropists. If enough money is forced upon me, I promise to relinquish the latter claim.


Besides the above time-saving and anti-frustration values of the King T Shaving Method, it's also:

- Y2K compliant (or places without power)
- Good at slowing the emission of greenhouse gases (which, when sourced by fossil fuels, may contribute to global warming)
- Just Plain Cool


If you know me, you now know a famous genius-guy. That must be cool for you.


Humbly,
King T

Smarter when cold out?