I'll just cut through all the crap about a man's hunter/explorer psyche vs a woman's nurturing/nesting psyche - it's because there's no hot men in it. Let's face it - what Star Trek eye candy can a hoochie-momma use to get her hot on?
- James Kirk -- A bit of a bad boy with all his philandering and scrapping. Close, but no cigar.
- William Riker -- Too sanitized and too moral. Not close.
- Jeffrey Archer -- Super-nice guy who finishes last. Oh boy.
- Jean-Luc Picard -- In the running because of his voice. If you'd nail an older Sean Connery, you'd nail Picard. But still, not enough arm-candy chick appeal.
- Benjamin Sisko -- Again with the voice and cool all-year tan, but not pretty enough.
So who does that leave? Who's pretty enough to draw in the panty-throwing crowd? Well, there was one...
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Christopher Pike
(pic from memory-beta.wikia.com)
Played by pretty-boy Jeffrey Hunter, he was the original captain of the USS Enterprise. So, with a chance to appeal to a broad (hee hee) spectrum of people, what did they do? They destined Star Trek to be a sausage-fest by burning his face, sticking him in a box on wheels, and kicking him to the curb. Similar to what just happened to Conan O'Brien - except for less money and to a guy with more XX chromosomal screaming-thigh-sweats appeal. No wait, Pike actually now lives on Talos IV - a planet where he can, with help from the Talosians, appear young and handsome and mobile for the rest of his years. He's super-happy there! Yeah, and your dad *really* did take your dog to a farm where it can run free and chase rabbits and squirrels for the rest of its life.
The bonuses would've been:
- Star Trek Conventions would've been attended by hot, randy babes.
- You could've worn your Star Trek outfit to school without it being ripped (yes, like in Amok Time).
- Jeffrey Hunter died in 1969 - he would've left a sexy, James Dean-ish legacy for the Trekkies, Trekkers, Trekesses, and Trekettes.
So, 43 years of virginal male castranitude, and they finally put hotties in a Star Trek movie. And they ruined the name...just like you'd always suspected. No wait, they didn't - everyone liked it. And it made about as much money as the next three Star Trek movies combined. Hmmm, a lesson there perhaps?
But wait, you kind of liked the obscurity of being a major Trekker - you're glad that the series played out like it did and you wouldn't change a single thing. Sure, you say that now, but just think...43 years of women NOT saying "Star Track". Thank you, you stand corrected.
Toodles,
Paul
You forgot Catherine Janeway (Wayland Flowers's Madam).
ReplyDeleteThe type of women who Janeway would attract aren't really the shave-your-legs sort that you want at the conventions.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's going to be long...
ReplyDeleteFirst, YOU'RE NOT A WOMAN!
How do you expect to know what a woman finds attractive, or not, in a man, if, even among women, there are so much different choices and preferences?
But you judge like you were a woman, no, like you were all women, sure that nobody could like James Kirk, William Riker or Jonathan Archer (yes, Jonathan, not Jeffrey), which simply it's not true, SO NOT TRUE. Plus you forgot all the other crew members, some of whom are very appreciated by women, like Spock, dr. McCoy, Trip Tucker, Julian Bashir and a lot of others. Or are you going to say women can never like them? Hotness isn't missing for sure. In all these cases anyway there is another feature, charisma, which can attract a woman, sometimes more than hotness.
Second, WHAT KIND OF OPINION DO YOU HAVE ABOUT WOMEN?
Do you really think that real trekkers are what they are only because they get to watch some pretty faces? I think that one has just to like the series and the ideals it conveys.. But that's probably true for a lot of males (and some women too) who are attracted just by naked spots and a lot of other superficial things like those. And if women had to say "Star Track" just because of some pretty boys, that wouldn't be an improvement. I know a lot of men watch Star Trek only because of Seven of Nine or Uhura's legs, and it's shameful. NO, the purpose isn't just that of increasing audience. The quality first. Probably the trekkers you want at the conventions are some low-QI-chicks, but very pleasing for you males to see. Actually, there are a lot of female trekkers, but that kind of womand doesn't appeal to you, right? And however, are you saying that all female trekkers have to be UGLY???
Third, ARE YOU SURE EVERYONE LIKED THE MOVIE?
Probably yes, as a movie, but as a Trek movie? You are saying :"Finally they understood how to get more audience!" Ok, but don't call it Star Trek. Who are they, sellers? Is it only a question of money? Well, that's not the original Trek spirit. NOT AT ALL. A lesson? The only lesson is that the economic interest has brought to the victory of superficiality. So they put hotties, then. Who cares whether they can act or not, just choose them hot! I'm not saying they can't act, but that's not essential, right? And however, who finds them hotties, whose judgement is that? I won't see any arrogant, bigheaded, disrespectful, adolescential rebel as a hottie. I'd call him immature. They are mostly chosen to appeal those low-QI-chicks, and that's probably what the producers counted on, and who cares if the girls won't even understand what happens in the movie? Women were already appealed by Star Trek, but now we have 'beautiful female Trekkers'! I hope you'll enjoy with them. Especially in a conversation. If you'll ever have one.
Thank you for your opinion. Ignoring your ad hominem and straw-man rhetorics, this needs to be said in reply:
ReplyDeletere: How do you expect to know what a woman finds attractive?
By observation and discussion. If this were not possible, then peoples' presents and well-intentioned gestures to each other would suck hard, wouldn't they? Obviously, not counting the intention behind them.
re: And if women had to say "Star Track" just because of some pretty boys, that wouldn't be an improvement.
I agree - and that's why I said that a broader-based Star Trek would've got "Star Trek" into the lexicon instead of "Star Track". Also, 'Trekkies' wouldn't have been ridiculed and bullied just for following a wonderful TV series.
re: ARE YOU SURE EVERYONE LIKED THE MOVIE?
Probably yes, as a movie, but as a Trek movie?
It was widely received as a good Trek movie.
Rotten Tomatoes: 8.1/10
Geeks of Doom: 3.5/4
Den of Geek: 5/5
Whil Wheaton: "It was awesome. I loved it.
Seriously."
The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/video/trekkies-bash-new-star-trek-film-as-fun-watchable,14333/