Obama Murderball

Weird dream. 

Obviously I've been watching too much election stuff. I was in my elementary school gym with a bunch of people who were playing a game where someone tosses up a white Frisbee and you had to hit it with a ball.  I join them and nail it first time, but I got called out because I threw the ball while the dude was looking at me.  "Uh uh"  [points to open eyes]  WTF?  It was where I remember my Cub Scout Troop standing for formation - is this important?

Luckily, someone said "Let's play murderball."  That's what we called dodgeball on the mean streets of Fort Sask.  There were balls rolling around the stage so President Obama hops up on the stage and tosses me one.  "Thanks Obama," I said, wittily.  Nothing.  What a humourless guy.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thanks-obama

Just Like One of the Hardy Boys

Someone tried to open my front door again. By the time I got there I saw an old guy awkwardly manoeuvering down my steps (no handrail). I asked him who he was looking for and he just showed me what looked like a colouring book. I asked him if he needed help, but he gestured no and held up the book again. Okay, weird. Carry on.

Tried to watch football again, but got curious and checked the 'missing persons' website. Nothing. Checked outside and he was gone. Crap. Went for a walk in the neighbourhood and called non-emerg police number and found no missing guy reports, but mentioned Alzheimer's patients tend to go in a straight line. Crap...towards the ravine at dusk. Now with better shoes, flashlight, and adrenaline, I jogged toward the ravine, shone light at many houses and on a homeless camp, but no old guy. Quicker jog down ravine with suspicious flashlight inquiries everywhere found nothing.

Now I'm running back up the hill and wondering where a confused old guy would go. More alleys, asking strangers, and light-shining yielded nothing. Was just about to run across the Whyte Ave Mill Creek Ravine Bridge and maybe down to the Mill Creek Pool when I thought I'd take a chance and went into the Humpty's. There he is...eating. He looked suspiciously at me so I quietly talked to a waitress and explained the situation. He's a regular and she thinks that he lives in the Old Folks' Home down the street. Everyone was okay with it, so I phoned in the update to the police and went sweatily home. I think the Steelers won.

That's the second time I've looked for an old lost guy in the ravine. When I get dementia, I'm going to Mill Creek Ravine...someone mark that down or put it in my file.

[too long; didn't read: Got out-run by an old dude]

Under Ten Hundred Words

Randall Munroe writes a geek web-comic called XKCD.com, and one of his comics describes a Saturn V rocket in technical detail, but only uses the one thousand (ten hundred) most frequently used words in the English language.


"US Space Team's Up-Goer Five, the only flying space car that's taken anyone to another world..."

Link:  Saturn V Comic


Then he wrote a book explaining a lot of things that same way.  It's actually one of Bill Gates's recommended books for 2015.

Thing Explainer: Complicated Stuff in Simple Words



I tried describing football using his text editor, and it was tough, but here it is:


One team starts the game by kicking a ball, that isn't round, to another team. They have a person catch the ball and run back the other way until they get knocked down. Sometimes there are a lot of angry people lying on top of, and yelling at, the person with the ball. Small people in black and white shirts tell the teams to stop yelling, and to go talk in their groups again. 

The team with the ball then throws or gives the ball to someone else who runs until they get knocked down. Sometimes a person runs with the ball all the way into a box made of lines on the field and everyone on that team jumps around. Sometimes one person holds the ball until another person, who few people know, kicks the ball over a bar and between two other bars and some people smile.

Eventually the team kicks the ball to the other team, who try to run with the ball back to the other box made of lines at the other end. 

Sometimes both teams are told, by the people in black and white shirts, to run the other way. Eventually the men in the black and white shirts tell everyone to stop knocking each other down for good.

A quiet person with a writing stick and paper sees how many times each team gets the ball into the box of lines, and how many times each team kicked the ball over the bar and between the two other bars, and tells one team to jump around a lot. The other team yells at the people in the black and white shirts. 

Everyone likes the team who jumps around a lot, gives them lots of stuff, pretty girls smile at them, and they get to talk out of a box while everyone at home listens.

After the game, loud people in the box talk a lot about the game, and when more people are going to get knocked down again, to people at home who wear shirts that match the shirts that the teams wear.

Other people, who kick a round ball, or hit a round ball with their heads a lot, say that their game is the real foot-ball. Then they fall to the ground for no reason and roll around on the ground holding one of their legs or their head.


Link that you can play with:  Text Editor

Who Shot First?

You probably have heard of the "Han shot first" controversy - referring to Han Solo and George Lucas messing with history.

If not, here's the link:  Han Shot First

But who else shot first?  

I think this guy gets an honourable mention

 

Okay, now go impress the world with your 'shooting first' knowledge backed up with super-solid graphics - there really is no more powerful force on the internet than this.

Strange Connections

Ingrid or Monique...take your pic

Funny...while researching my last St Albert Trail blog (now freshly updated) I wondered what that big, creepy, abandoned, building was. Turns it out it's the old Charles Camsell Hospital.

[wiki]

1946 - opened as tuberculosis hospital 

1964 - housed Northern Medical Research Unit for the changes to Inuit lifestyle with the coming of the DEW Line and increasing southern influence.  [DEW is Distant Early Warning radar Line from the Cold War]

1945 to 1967 - occupational therapy program for aboriginal patients.

1990 - hospital donated over 400 arts and crafts items made by patients in the program to the Royal Alberta Museum

1996 - closed and abandoned, condemned due in part to asbestos

2009 - building and grounds sit empty

The hospital was an "Experimental Hospital" run by Indian Affairs and was known as the "Indian Hospital". Stigma surrounds the hospital as it is alleged that the aboriginal population was treated poorly, abused, and murdered. It is also alleged that south of the building near what used to be the staff garden is a mass grave of aboriginal children, though officials say that most of the people who died were buried St Albert. These rumours and others regarding hauntings of the hospital are based more in urban legend than fact.

Link to Creepy Pics of Camsell Hospital

The movie "White Coats" was filmed in this hospital.  Apparently a wretched Dave Thomas movie, but it starred Ingrid Kavelaars, who's married to the Oilers' ex-coach Dallas Eakins.  The film was released in 2004.

Ingrid has a twin sister Monique Kavelaars, who won a silver medal in fencing at the Commonwealth games.  She's also the only Canadian woman to win an individual match in Epee (type of fencing).  She did it on my birthday in the same year as the film came out: 2004.  

Creepy.  I knew something was strange about that place...probably a secret insane asylum too.

Crap You Didn't Know About Your Own Damn City

I friggin' love maps.  Google Maps is like porn to me.  How much do you know about St Albert Trail?



I have a friend who lived on Whyte Ave.  His directions to his Westlock friend to visit were:

"Go south on Highway 2...when it changes into Whyte Ave, I'm the second apartment on the right ." 

As crazy as that sounds, it's perfectly accurate. From way north of St Albert:

Highway 2
St Albert Trail
Mark Messier Trail
St Albert Trail
Groat Road
Whyte Ave

And back then, there was no Mark Messier Trail, so it was easier.  His apartment was on 112 St, so it was right near the west end of Whyte.  It'd be kind of awesome if he moved northeast of Camrose, because it technically continues:

Sherwood Park Freeway
Wye Road
Township Rd 515
Highway 630
Highway 833
Range Rd 201

"Yeah, just go through a few towns, hamlets, Edmonton...keep following the road...ends at a t-intersection in the country...by a bunch of cows"

Hmmm...I just looked the other way, and Highway 2 goes northwest all the way past High Prairie, then turns into Highway 49...which goes through Spirit River. He married a gal from Spirit River.  If her parents were visiting, they'd get instructions like:

"Go east out of town for 550 km...we're the second apartment on the right when you hit Whyte Ave."

or, strangely:

"Go east out of town until you hit Highway 2 the first time, then turn NORTH and follow Highway 2 for 700km...second apartment on the right when you hit Whyte Ave."



But hey, this all started when I was checking out St Albert Trail on Google Maps.  Here's a mini-quiz that you'll want to gather all friends and family around for:


Q1) Is St Albert Trail always two-way?
Know-it-alls:  Yes, unless you count where Highway 2 splits near Morinville.
True experts:  No, part is truly one-way.

Q2) Is St Albert Trail contiguous?
Know-it-alls: No, it's split in two by Mark Messier Trail.
True experts:  No, it has four sections.

Q3) This is fascinating - where's everybody going?


It actually ends here at its most southeast point.  It's one way...for one block:

That part is at the bottom-right of this map.  It goes up until 117 Ave, then continues north from Groat Road at the traffic circle, where everyone knows it.

So technically, someone somewhere could say: "Yeah, I live on St Albert Trail.  You know that one-block, one-way section?  That's the spot.  Just park on the road...there's angle parking."


Or:  "I live on St Albert Trail.  It's nice and quiet for the kids.  Narrow, with elms covering the whole thing.  Good for road hockey."

[edit]  St Albert Trail actually continues on south of 112 Ave around that little loop.  Technically, that loop is also a one-way section.

See another blog on this:  St Albert Trail

Ghost Week!

It happens every eight to nine years...Ghost Week!!! It's like Shark Week, but way better.

February 1 is on a Sunday and it's not a leap year, so the month only uses four rows. The fifth week is missing. For OCD/neatness freaks, it's just the best thing ever. Look how neatly the whole month packs in there. Why can't other months be this efficient? Because they're just lazy and bloated, like politicians, Windows, your neighbour's kids, etc. Besides it giving a year that has three Friday-the-thirteenths, here are some things that you probably didn't know about Ghost Week:

• Your calendar will cost 1/52 less than other years
• You don't have to go to school or work
• You don't have to pay taxes
• It never snows
• Speeding tickets and gambling debts are forgiven

• You're allowed to shoot that a**hole in the BMW
• A mob boss must forgive your slight to his family
• At the gas station you just pay what you feel is right
• You'll get in better shape without working out
• The statues (Moai) on Easter Island smile

For this knowledge...you're welcome, in advance.

Paul

Paul's Oscar Picks

Okay, let's just cut to the chase. Here are my picks for best Oscars:


Best Pugilist -- Oscar De La Hoya

Best Legless Athlete/A-Hole/Girlfriend-Killer -- Oscar Pistorius

Best Fashion Designer/Philanthropist -- Oscar de la Renta

Best Flamboyant Wit -- Oscar Wilde

Best Pianist, Africa-American -- Oscar Peterson

Best Pianist, White/Jewish -- Oscar Levant



Best Open Source Group -- OSCAR (Open Source Cluster Application Resources)

Best Slob Character, real name Jack, Movie -- Jack Lemmon, "Odd Couple"

Best Slob Character, real name Jack, TV -- Jack Klugman, "Odd Couple"

Best Mathematical Commutative Algebraic Geometer -- Oscar Zariski

Best Grouch Character, Real -- "Corner Gas", Oscar Leroy

Best Grouch Character, Puppet/Animated -- "Sesame Street", Oscar the Grouch

Monzarite

My old car was hit by a meteor. True story.

Back around, ohhhh 1988, I was toodling along highway 15 from Fort Sask towards Edmonton. With literally no vehicles in sight, I saw this small rock bouncing quite far ahead of me. It was further than my tire would've thrown it for sure, and there were no kids with slingshots around either. I thought it was odd, but didn't do anything to avoid it.

Bink.

It hit my windshield, but didn't do any damage. I didn't stop, so if you have a geiger counter, meteor-detector, or good eyes, then look for a pebble-sized meteor on the north side of the highway just before it sweeps left and turns into Manning Freeway.  If you find it, please name it Monzarite after my cool old Monza Spyder.

I miss the old girl. Cheapo car, but fun to drive and nice rumble. Somehow always looked clean too.

Kind of an Ikea Expert...

Yes, it's true, I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to dining at Ikea. Well, the lower cafe anyway. Maybe I'll master the domain of the upper cafe someday. Okay, enough dreaming...so here's the thing:

- The ketchup dispenser and the mustard dispenser are side-by-side.
- The relish dispenser shows up intermittently beside them, but is near useless - like all relish dispensers.
- There's always a bowl of those relish packets.

The most efficient way to top your dogs is to start with the relish packets and wait for a gap at the mustard & ketchup area. When there's a gap, swoop in and do dog 1 with both mustard and ketchup, keeping the dog moving by like it's on a conveyor belt. That's the key. And use nice smooth pushes on the levers to avoid too much or efficiency-sapping re-waving of the hot dog under the dispenser. Then dog 2 and 3. Then, if necessary, finish the relish application. You'll be done in no time and will earn the respect of any efficiency expert within sight. Don't worry - they're watching.

Obviously, don't fall for the false-lead that applying the relish at your table will get you, which will also mess up your tray with the empty relish packets. The cleaner your tray, the easier it is to clean for the Ikea staff, and the cheaper your food will stay. And hey, who doesn't want to be known for their neatness? It goes almost without saying that one folds the paper hot dog holders back to their original state, doesn't it? Everything needs to be in its place.

Not taking too much pop and ice will save you time from emptying your cup into the draining tray under the fountain drink taps before you throw your tray contents into the rubbish. Two steps there and two steps back...just saying.



FAQ:  Paul, why three hot dogs?
Answer:  Because that's the most you can logically get. Combo 2 is two hot dogs and a fountain drink for $2. With an extra hot dog for $0.75, plus GST, it's $2.90...so you get a dime back.  Later, on the way home, when you get the $4 box of cinnamon buns and a $1.05 yogurt cone, the subtotal is $5.05. Now you use your previous dime and avoid all that change. Also, since there's more money in 'grocery' ($4) than 'dining out' ($3.95), your budget item gets put into 'grocery' and you're closer to hitting your new year's resolution of eating out 10% fewer times in 2014 than 2013.



FAQ:  But you're not eating out less often.  That's just budgetary trickery, isn't it? 
Answer:  Technically yes, and thanks for recognizing my accounting genius, however I have to be out of cinnamon buns before I can get the hot dogs under my 'grocery' column, so that reduces the frequency of my hot dogging. Also sometimes increases the frequency of my cinnabunning.

FAQ:  Paul, are there other restaurants where efficiency applies?
Answer:  Why yes, there are.  I was behind a guy at a Subway and he ordered his sub in this order:

- whole wheat
- foot long
- spicy Italian

Why is the order of these three things important? Because as soon as he said "whole wheat", the Subway artist could start heading to the comparatively large whole wheat section of the oven thing. By that time, it's now an easy grab of the foot-long bun, which is a sub-section of the whole wheat section. Only after turning back around do they need to know the fillings.

And of course, order the condiments as they appear from your right to left to keep the sub flowing along efficiently.  This is critical if it's busy and there are two artists making subs.

Me:  "That's some nice efficiency there: bun type first, bun size next, then fillings."
Efficient Dude:  "Thanks, I always order it that way."
Me:  "It's the only way."

Field of Dreams

Here's why the internet is a big waste of time:

1) It's not as comprehensive as you think
2) Hack writers express opinions like they're fact
3) It's circular, so it just leads you back to the start


PROOF:






- Field of ImPOSSEable Dreams was a sign at the CFL Las Vegas Posse's training site
- On the Posse's roster was running back Jon Volpe
- Volpe was a Rhodes Scholar candidate


- Rhodes Scholar winners include Myron Rolle
- Rolle was a running back in college
- Rolle graduated Princeton Prep school early, got a 4-year degree in 2.5 years with a 3.75 GPA, had 83 athletic scholarships from div 1-A schools, went to FSU for their combo of football and medical opportunities, and got his MSc in medical anthropology from Oxford on his Rhodes Scholarship


- Rolle signed a 4-year contract with the NFL Titans, then Steelers
- Rolle never played a regular season professional game, then chose medical school over football
- Archibald Doc/Moonlight Graham was a baseball player who was signed by Major League baseball but never got up to bat, then chose medicine over baseball in the movie Field of Dreams






See? It's like an ant climbing around a globe - he thinks it goes on forever.


link to Myron Rolle Profile



Bonus 1: The real Archibald Graham also played halfback on his collegiate football team while earning his medical degree.


Bonus 2: The Las Vegas Posse used to send hot cheerleaders behind the bench of visiting teams to distract them.

Just Remembering a Vet...

I sometimes take my neighbour's dog Sophie for walks in Mill Creek Ravine.  If you walk enough there, or anywhere, stuff happens and you meet people.  Here's one:


On a beautiful sunny winter day, I was walking in Mill Creek Ravine by the Velodrome with Sophie, and we passed by an older gent wearing a hat with a "Lancaster" logo. A Lancaster is a WW2 Allied bomber. This is my favourite era for airplanes, so I had to chat him up. Turns out that his name was Ken Taylor, an airman on a Lancaster bomber on a raid who bailed out over occupied Holland a couple weeks before D-Day. He was captured and put into Stalag Luft VII Prisoner Of War camp. He mentioned something about a long march from the camp - not to complain, but to maybe trigger a historical fact in my head. Didn't work. Apparently, he and a few friends now meet at that Argyll McDonald's on the same day each week.

At the time of his evacuation from the POW camp, the Germans knew that the war was unwinnable and were basically fleeing the Soviets and taking prisoners with them. The Germans were positioning themselves with the prisoners to be captured by anyone other than the Soviets, because of the horrible things that Hitler ordered against them (somewhere in the range of 20-30,000,000 Russian people were killed). Somehow or other, one of the Germans, maybe one of his guards, became a friend of his and they now live in the same condo complex overlooking Mill Creek Ravine. Ken now considers his former enemy to be his best friend. Unfortunately, Sophie was getting anxious so that's all I got from him.

I tried, off and on, for years to get some info about him, but wasn't at all successful. It doesn't help that the name "Ken Taylor" is also shared by that Canadian diplomat that helped get Americans out of Iran (as in the movie "Argo" by Ben Affleck). Somehow or other though, I found some info today. Here it is:

I couldn't remember if it was Stalag 3 or 7. Stalag 3 was "The Great Escape" one.  It turns out that he was in Stalag 7, and it was the last Luftwaffe (German air force) POW camp.  Later he was moved to one of the Stalag 3 camps...so that's close to the movie.

He was a Nav II Warrant Officer and bomb aimer/observer aboard an Avro Lancaster bomber.

On May 21/22, 1944 their plane was hit by flak and the starboard outer engine caught fire. He and a Sergeant bailed out. The crew, despite injuries to the pilot and flight engineer, were able to limp the plane back to Manston RAF base in England, where their lack of brakes caused them to run into a gas tank used for filling airplane tanks. No-one was further injured, but the pilot and engineer were kept in hospital.



It turns out that The March was quite a thing. There were three main marches with several POW camps. He was in the 'central' route.

19 January, 1945 – evacuation from Stalag Luft 7 at Bankau, near Kreuzberg, Poland, begins in blizzard conditions – 1,500 prisoners were force marched then loaded onto cattle trucks and taken to Stalag III-A at Luckenwalde, south of Berlin.

27 January, 1945 – Red Army liberates Auschwitz.

27 January, 1945 to February 1945 – evacuation from Stalag III-A at Luckenwalde, 30 km south of Berlin, then onto Stalag VII-A near Moosburg, Bavaria.

29 April, 1945 – Stalag VII-A at Moosburg was liberated by Patton's Third United States Army.

30 April, 1945 – Berlin falls to the Red Army and Hitler commits suicide.



Today I ordered The Long Road - a book about the liberation of Stalag 7. Ken was mentioned in it a couple of times and it seems full of interesting stories.  411.ca indicates that he's still alive and living where he said.  After I read the book I think that I'll do some snooping at the McDonald's and 'happen' to drop by when they meet. If nothing else, I want to tease him about bailing out while most of the rest of his crew flew home - which wouldn't compare to the teasing his old crew would've given him after they met up after the war.

"Ken, why are you leaving early?  It's not like you to bail. Hahahahahahaha!"

Or maybe I'll be there to apologize for not knowing much about the history of my neighbours and to listen to old war stories that are new to me. I hope I get the chance to get him to sign my book.


It may not mean anything to anyone else, but here are some links on this:

Link to The Long Road (pdf book)

link to The_March_(1945) [wiki]

link to Stalag 13  As you can see, Hogan's Heroes wasn't historically accurate, as Stalag 13 was actually two camps, which were both in factories.  You know you were thinking about the show, so don't even pretend to take the high road.



So anyway...that's why I chat to people who I don't know.

No Trivial Matter

How the heck does all this trivia pile up so quickly? Must vent...

The Grateful Dead is from the folk tale motif of a wanderer who gives his last penny to pay for a corpse's burial, then is magically aided by the spirit of the dead person.


Oops 1 - The Salton Sea -- is a saline lake, below sea level, located directly on the San Andreas Fault in California.  The sea was accidentally created in 1905 when a cut was made in the bank of the Colorado River.  The outflow overwhelmed the engineered canal, and the river flowed into the Salton Basin for two years.  The Salton Sea is the largest lake in California.

Oops 2 - The Aral Sea -- was the fourth-largest lake in the world by area, but has largely disappeared after giant Soviet irrigation projects began in the 1960s in Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan.  It's now 10% of its former size, and has split into four lakes.

Alberta is the largest rat-free area in the world.

When the US was sending up supplies and bombers to fortify Alaska during WW2, Blatchford Field (recently Edmonton City Centre Airport) was the busiest airport in the world.

My Typing 10 teacher, Mr Lopushinski, talked like John Wayne.


When you think of a witty retort too late, it's known as l’esprit de l’escalier, or staircase wit.

With rifles, 30/06 ("thirty ought six", not "thirty odd six") means it is 30 caliber and it was designed in 1906 (nineteen ought six).  30/30 means it is a 30 caliber bullet using 30 grains of powder.







If you travel back in time, it might help to know the following terms:

Drawn and Quartered -- Convicts were fastened to a wooden panel and drawn by horse to the place of execution, where they were hanged almost to death, emasculated, disembowelled, beheaded, and quartered (chopped, or pulled into four pieces by four horses). Their remains were often displayed in prominent places across the country, such as London Bridge.

Keel-Hauled -- The sailor was 'hauled' along the barnacle-encrusted 'keel' of the vessel aided by the movement of the ship and pulled back aboard at the stern of the ship.

Shiver Me Timbers -- In heavy seas, ships would be lifted up and pounded down so hard as to shiver (vibrate) the timbers (beams).  Also reminiscent of the splintering of a ship's timbers/mast in battle ('shiver' means splinter in olde English).

Captain's Daughter -- aka Cat o' Nine Tails (multi-ended whip).  When Captain Tractor sang "Throw him in the hold with the Captain's Daughter", it wasn't what it sounds like, but it probably resembles what the Captain would do to you if he found some seaman on his daughter.


Right of Parlay -- (like Johnny Depp used in Pirates of the Caribbean) is where you get to talk to the leader of the group who captured you.  It's likely from 'parlez' - French for speak.

Emmet -- means ant in olde English.  But remember, Emmet Smith won't be born for years.



Freelance -- comes from knights who sold their skills (their lancing abilities).


Rocky Road -- ice cream invented in 1929, and named in part to reflect the difficult economic times ahead.








Space Stuff that You Sometimes Wonder About:

Every August the Earth passes through the debris from the comet Swift-Tuttle, forming the Perseids meteor shower.

Meteoroid -- rock in space
Meteor -- rock in atmosphere (ie. meteor shower)
Meteorite -- rock that hits Earth

Asteroid -- rock that orbits Sun
Planetoid -- same as asteroid, but bigger

Other related terms:  planetesimal, planetule, protoplanet, dwarf planet, comet, meso planet, and small solar system bodies.

Amphibian vs Reptile?

Amphibian -- means "living double lives" - one in water with gills and the other on land by growing lungs as they age.

Reptile -- "to creep stealthily under cover of darkness"

Navy Seals were formerly 'frogmen'...which are amphibians. Obviously a case could also be made for them having a reptilian name...like The Alligators or The Sea Turtles.

Salem is short for Jerusalem.

Henry Schrapnel invented the schrapnel bomb/grenade.

Thomas Crapper did not invent the toilet.

Sanpaku -- is originated from a Chinese & Japanese term and means “three whites”.  The term refers to eyes in which the white space above or below the iris is visible.  According to the myth, it represents physical imbalance in the body and is claimed to be present in alcoholics, drug addicts, people who overconsume sugar or grain, and mentally imbalanced people such as psychotics, murderers, and anyone rageful.  The lyrics to Edmonton-area band's Darkroom song of the same name now makes more sense.

Daisy Dukes (cutoff jeans over nylons) were originally only worn to appease the network censors, and were Katherine Bach's solution to the problem.

I'll be in my bunk

The World of Cups 2014

The last batch of English-announcer sayings to study before the World Cup final today.

USA! USA! USA! Oh wait, they're not in it any more.





He's urging the fans for further endeavours on their part.

It's been quite a slog.

They decided to take off the handbrake and see what happened.

A little over-muscular in the challenge.

...and a clawing save by the keeper.







They bamboozled the Belgian defense.

That's a rather cynical challenge.

It was a deft strike.

The keeper fished it away. (punched)

He gets his thatch on that one. (big hair)

The referee may not be taking his holidays in Brazil.

Brazil has twenty minutes to score to save their blushes.

He's showing plenty of purpose.

It was almost goodnight and thank you.

He's had an imperious World Cup.

Whirled Cup 2014

 I think the previous World Cup announcer was more colourful, but still some gems:

• Their defense has been breached twice.
• He flung himself among the boots.
• The lead may be unassailable.

• He can raid in from here.
• For the Greeks, another disconsolate day.
• He's left for dead.

• They've thrown rocks at each other all game.
• A very obdurate side, those Hondurans.
• Rooney ghosting in behind.


• England with their tails up...

• He practices those assiduously.
• His sour comments have got him into trouble.
• He was curiously unmarked.

• He sported two minds there.
• It's a wonderful night for their talismanic striker.
• A little bit of a cultural talk between players there.
• More calamitous defending by England.


Last World Cup Link:  Thot Was Poo-er Defendin'

Blog Ideas Too Small to be Blogs

Ideas piling up - must purge...


It's theurapeutic for women to bake, cook, give backrubs, etc for men - ask any male scientist.

It's smart to let buses in ahead of you because the faster that large groups of people get to where they're going on mass transit, the clearer the roads are for you.

I learned all that I know about book-arranging from Lynnette Jennings on Homeworks 20 years ago.


There's an artist who dresses up her baby as dictators as a way to illustrate how we all begin life the same and have opportunities to do good, or inexplicable evil. At least, that's her story:  Crazy?

If you're feeling that the internet is being negative today, click on 1000 Awesome Things or go to YouTube and search "People are awesome".

Two strong examples of post-feminist thought are Xena and Lara Croft.

My hero is Winston Churchill, but I'd probably hate having to work with/for/against him.

Most forms of Christianity are compatible with Natural Selection and Evolution, so both 'sides' can stop being dicks, thanks.

A better term for voicemail is earmail.

Pardon me, is this feat taken?  I got to ref for a short time in Edmonton's World's Longest Flag Football Game record attempt.  Hilariously (for me), I was the ref who was there when the news cameras showed up. The players eventually did it, but a technical flaw kiboshed the attempt.  It was a great atmosphere...well done, people.

I've been summoned to jury duty 3 times in 10 years.  The first time, all 3 cases were cancelled while we were there.  Not picked any of the times...not even picked to go up and get quickie-evaluated.  The third time the judge was like Carol Burnett.

Since they don't have to give a reason for rejecting jurors, jury selection is the last bastion of racism, sexism, ageism, weightism, etc.

Odd street vehicles that were really fast: Buick Grand National, Dodge Li'l Red Express Truck, and the AMC Gremlin.

Want to go to France on a budget?  Go to the islands of St Pierre and Miquelon - they're controlled by France and are a 55 minute ferry from Newfoundland.

A helium balloon will move forward as you accelerate in a car/train/bus because it's essentially bobbing on top of the air, which sloshes backwards and pushes the balloon forwards.

Because of its aerodynamic downforce, a Formula 1 car could drive upside-down on a ceiling.

Guys named Jim and Scott are always decent. Know any who aren't Jimmy, Jimbo, Scotty?

I like the irony of a Smart Car following a giant dump truck that has "DO NOT PUSH" on the tailgate.

The shaky camera technique popular nowadays is supposed to mimic gritty news footage, not first-person perspective. Please stop overusing this tired technique. My vision isn't shaky like that unless I'm on a roller-coaster or Edmonton's spring roads.

Texting isn't wrecking English, it's just bringing it back to the days of telegrams.

When driving over a crosswalk, I drive over the unpainted areas.

The ketchup on French fries is better out of the packets than a bottle.

A gal doing jumping-jacks under a fluorescent light will look like she has many boobs.

A cheap way to simulate driving in England is to look in your rearview mirror.  Right hand drive!

You can rent a furnace.

Because of the huge downforces engineered into them for cornering, the aerodynamic drag on a Formula 1 car is higher than on my Jeep.

You know how people laugh at the geezer with a pocket watch because of how impractical he is? Ask anyone the time nowadays and see what happens.

CFB Namao was one of the emergency landing strips for the Space Shuttle.