Under Ten Hundred Words

Randall Munroe writes a geek web-comic called XKCD.com, and one of his comics describes a Saturn V rocket in technical detail, but only uses the one thousand (ten hundred) most frequently used words in the English language.


"US Space Team's Up-Goer Five, the only flying space car that's taken anyone to another world..."

Link:  Saturn V Comic


Then he wrote a book explaining a lot of things that same way.  It's actually one of Bill Gates's recommended books for 2015.

Thing Explainer: Complicated Stuff in Simple Words



I tried describing football using his text editor, and it was tough, but here it is:


One team starts the game by kicking a ball, that isn't round, to another team. They have a person catch the ball and run back the other way until they get knocked down. Sometimes there are a lot of angry people lying on top of, and yelling at, the person with the ball. Small people in black and white shirts tell the teams to stop yelling, and to go talk in their groups again. 

The team with the ball then throws or gives the ball to someone else who runs until they get knocked down. Sometimes a person runs with the ball all the way into a box made of lines on the field and everyone on that team jumps around. Sometimes one person holds the ball until another person, who few people know, kicks the ball over a bar and between two other bars and some people smile.

Eventually the team kicks the ball to the other team, who try to run with the ball back to the other box made of lines at the other end. 

Sometimes both teams are told, by the people in black and white shirts, to run the other way. Eventually the men in the black and white shirts tell everyone to stop knocking each other down for good.

A quiet person with a writing stick and paper sees how many times each team gets the ball into the box of lines, and how many times each team kicked the ball over the bar and between the two other bars, and tells one team to jump around a lot. The other team yells at the people in the black and white shirts. 

Everyone likes the team who jumps around a lot, gives them lots of stuff, pretty girls smile at them, and they get to talk out of a box while everyone at home listens.

After the game, loud people in the box talk a lot about the game, and when more people are going to get knocked down again, to people at home who wear shirts that match the shirts that the teams wear.

Other people, who kick a round ball, or hit a round ball with their heads a lot, say that their game is the real foot-ball. Then they fall to the ground for no reason and roll around on the ground holding one of their legs or their head.


Link that you can play with:  Text Editor

The World of Cups 2014

The last batch of English-announcer sayings to study before the World Cup final today.

USA! USA! USA! Oh wait, they're not in it any more.





He's urging the fans for further endeavours on their part.

It's been quite a slog.

They decided to take off the handbrake and see what happened.

A little over-muscular in the challenge.

...and a clawing save by the keeper.







They bamboozled the Belgian defense.

That's a rather cynical challenge.

It was a deft strike.

The keeper fished it away. (punched)

He gets his thatch on that one. (big hair)

The referee may not be taking his holidays in Brazil.

Brazil has twenty minutes to score to save their blushes.

He's showing plenty of purpose.

It was almost goodnight and thank you.

He's had an imperious World Cup.

Whirled Cup 2014

 I think the previous World Cup announcer was more colourful, but still some gems:

• Their defense has been breached twice.
• He flung himself among the boots.
• The lead may be unassailable.

• He can raid in from here.
• For the Greeks, another disconsolate day.
• He's left for dead.

• They've thrown rocks at each other all game.
• A very obdurate side, those Hondurans.
• Rooney ghosting in behind.


• England with their tails up...

• He practices those assiduously.
• His sour comments have got him into trouble.
• He was curiously unmarked.

• He sported two minds there.
• It's a wonderful night for their talismanic striker.
• A little bit of a cultural talk between players there.
• More calamitous defending by England.


Last World Cup Link:  Thot Was Poo-er Defendin'

Thot Was Poo-er Defendin'

Soccer is huge all over the world - except in North America where it's the sport that people play as kids, but grow out of it when manly sports like football and hockey become available. It's boring. It's played by anyone with an accent; and mostly in those poorer countries. It's a sport where diving and flailing around trying to draw a penalty is rewarded and manly play isn't. But hey, that's another blog...and I actually like playing soccer.

One thing you can't say that's boring though, is the British announcers. How can you not like the following phrases:


He struck that with real venom.
They've unleashed a brace of strikes.
They must be feeling well and truly flenned (circumcised).
The ball fizzed at him.
He goes to ground.

The striker is dispossessed of the ball.
He takes it down with some duress.
He's on his mettle tonight.
The ball is lashed out of play.
He's a real buccaneering fullback.

The goalie scuttled across the crease.
The ball is wicked out of play. ('wikt', not 'wikkid')
He had all the time in the world to steady the ship.
That was a total fresh-air shot.
That ball was clinically struck.

They're really in the ascendancy.
There's some real cut and thrust there.
The ball scuffs wide.
He balloons it out of bounds.
They're 2 goals to the good.

He comes out at a canter; now at a gallop.
What a blinding goal!
That move was strangled at birth.
He bursts into the area - he's foiled.
He traps the ball...straight out of the manual.

That was a lusty challenge.
He made a real meal out of that.
What a cracking shot on net!


And I like it how the announcer on the CBC just tacks the name of the team or player on at the end: They're really up against it now, Argentina. It's just enough distraction to sometimes make it watchable - especially when one of the cheating/diving teams gets knocked out like when Germany trashed Argentina (and Diego Maradonna) 4-0* today.


I didn't really have a horse in this race, seeing as I hate the way England has played in recent years, but now I do: Per Mertesacker of Germany. You know the German team, the catchy Die deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft. Anyway, here's why I'm willing my good buddy Per on to victory:

• We play the same position, defense.
• We're the same height.
• "Per" in Old English means 'man who lives by a pear tree' - and I have a pair of trees out front on my boulevard.
• We have the same first initial.
• Our last names are close to being associated with death...mUerte means 'death' in Spanish; totmanN means 'dead man' in German.
• "...his game is unusually clean for a defender, evident by his relatively few bookings." Hey, me too.


So there you go - now you know who to cheer for. I like the way the Dutch play too - I might have to check out their last names and stuff.


P
* You have to say "Four - nil" in soccer.