Yes, it's true, I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to dining at Ikea. Well, the lower cafe anyway. Maybe I'll master the domain of the upper cafe someday. Okay, enough dreaming...so here's the thing:
- The ketchup dispenser and the mustard dispenser are side-by-side.
- The relish dispenser shows up intermittently beside them, but is near useless - like all relish dispensers.
- There's always a bowl of those relish packets.
The most efficient way to top your dogs is to start with the relish packets and wait for a gap at the mustard & ketchup area. When there's a gap, swoop in and do dog 1 with both mustard and ketchup, keeping the dog moving by like it's on a conveyor belt. That's the key. And use nice smooth pushes on the levers to avoid too much or efficiency-sapping re-waving of the hot dog under the dispenser. Then dog 2 and 3. Then, if necessary, finish the relish application. You'll be done in no time and will earn the respect of any efficiency expert within sight. Don't worry - they're watching.
Obviously, don't fall for the false-lead that applying the relish at your table will get you, which will also mess up your tray with the empty relish packets. The cleaner your tray, the easier it is to clean for the Ikea staff, and the cheaper your food will stay. And hey, who doesn't want to be known for their neatness? It goes almost without saying that one folds the paper hot dog holders back to their original state, doesn't it? Everything needs to be in its place.
Not taking too much pop and ice will save you time from emptying your cup into the draining tray under the fountain drink taps before you throw your tray contents into the rubbish. Two steps there and two steps back...just saying.
FAQ: Paul, why three hot dogs?
Answer: Because that's the most you can logically get. Combo 2 is two hot dogs and a fountain drink for $2. With an extra hot dog for $0.75, plus GST, it's $2.90...so you get a dime back. Later, on the way home, when you get the $4 box of cinnamon buns and a $1.05 yogurt cone, the subtotal is $5.05. Now you use your previous dime and avoid all that change. Also, since there's more money in 'grocery' ($4) than 'dining out' ($3.95), your budget item gets put into 'grocery' and you're closer to hitting your new year's resolution of eating out 10% fewer times in 2014 than 2013.
FAQ: But you're not eating out less often. That's just budgetary trickery, isn't it?
Answer: Technically yes, and thanks for recognizing my accounting genius, however I have to be out of cinnamon buns before I can get the hot dogs under my 'grocery' column, so that reduces the frequency of my hot dogging. Also sometimes increases the frequency of my cinnabunning.
FAQ: Paul, are there other restaurants where efficiency applies?
Answer: Why yes, there are. I was behind a guy at a Subway and he ordered his sub in this order:
- whole wheat
- foot long
- spicy Italian
Why is the order of these three things important? Because as soon as he said "whole wheat", the Subway artist could start heading to the comparatively large whole wheat section of the oven thing. By that time, it's now an easy grab of the foot-long bun, which is a sub-section of the whole wheat section. Only after turning back around do they need to know the fillings.
And of course, order the condiments as they appear from your right to left to keep the sub flowing along efficiently. This is critical if it's busy and there are two artists making subs.
Me: "That's some nice efficiency there: bun type first, bun size next, then fillings."
Efficient Dude: "Thanks, I always order it that way."
Me: "It's the only way."
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