If I had Twitter, I tell you what I'd do...

I don't tweet, but maybe I will some day. It turns out, so might my mum. She was asking about a Twitter account because the media was talking about how it was changing regimes and politics and society and all that. Maybe Mum will organize a flash-mob to bake some brownies, or to sweep up all that annoying sand around the Sphinx while those people are protesting in Egypt. It's not always about revolution - sometimes it's about grit in your shoes.


If I tweet, then I'll be able to get rid of my backlog of ideas too small to be blogs. Or maybe I could just blog smaller. I didn't check for the max 140 character thing, but I'll include some hashtags anyway so I can port them directly into my future Twitter account:





• My neighbours' dog Sophie always wants me to take her to run around and maybe chase pointlessly an inanimate object. She's so simple, easily amused, and fooled by fake throws. She just doesn't understand that I have important complex human things to do - like play football. #dogs #sports #pointless

• Butterflies are crappy fliers. They're barely able to keep aloft or flying in the right direction. So random. Hey look, two are doing exactly the same pattern. Ahhhh, bird avoidance. #butterfly #evolution

• If you argue for karma, OJ finally getting thrown in jail for life sure helps your case. #OJ #karma





• I used to watch the Old Faithful webcam and make up nicknames and back-stories for the people: Dude-with-Dog, White-Shorts-Gal, Guy-not-Looking, Bored-Kid, Guy-Who-Just-Missed-it-but-Who's-Going-to-Wait-for-an-Hour, Fighting-Couple, etc. #oldfaithful #webcam

• Speaking of geysers, I laughed like a drain when Mum and Dad pronounced it geezer. #geyser #british #pronunciation #funny

• Technically, I should like those reality 'Idol' shows because the politics is removed and it's just a fair competition. Maybe it's because they put politics and gamesmanship back in with internet voting and such. #idol #realitytv #sucks





• The only time I went to the horse races, despite my dad and brothers and me all being analytical sciencey dudes, the only one who came out ahead was Mum. She bet on things like: "That jockey has a degree from the UofA" and "That horse has nice white feet." #horseracing #betting #n00b

• Soccer City, South Africa. The only city in the world named after the game and they chose Soccer, not Football. Now stop calling it Football and leave that to the proper North American kind. #football #soccer #sayitright

• When I was walking upstairs, a weird knob fell onto the dryer behind me. There's nothing above the dryer except floor joists. It came from nowhere. Creepy. #ironcladproof #ghosts





• A girl's definition of last-minute shopping is so far off of a guy's definition that they should not be jointly discussed. #girlsvsguys #shopping

• Fact: The Windsors (British royalty) were named after Windsor Castle, not vice versa. #royalty #windsors #windsorcastle

• Fact: Hitler grew his mustache as a tribute to Charlie Chaplin. #tribute #hitler #chaplin #geethanks





• I pulled a knife off a plate and it went "Shingggggggg" - just like a sword from a scabbard in the movies or a video game. I tried and tried, but it was not reproduceable. #knife #sword #soundeffect #fail

• How fast do pregnancy tests really need to be? 10 days isn't fast enough - it has to be 5? Are you heavily into drugs or alcohol and will only stop when pregnant? Is the sex tiresome? #pregnancytestspeed #unnecessary

• In conjunction with sanding and salting roads, they should spray that airplane de-icing fluid from cropdusters. #solutionicyroads #genius



Okay, I'm all set...look for Mum and me on Twitter!