The King T Shaving Method

Star Trek Bumhead

Okay, I'll try not to oversell this incredible new shaving technique that I've developed. It'll be difficult, but I'll do my best. I haven't been able to find an existing reference to it and I'm pretty good on The Google. Thus, I've at least independently developed it, like how both Isaac Newton and Leibnitz independently discovered infinitesimal calculus - but I don't have to tell you physics history buffs that.


This is the situation that it's most useful, although it could be used at other times:

- You may be poor, but probably just lazy
- You have a few days' worth of beard or more
- You only shave with a blade and shaving cream
- You don't own an electric beard/sideburn trimmer



Normally when debearding, one would take the trimmer and shear off the bulk of the beard, then shave electrically or with a safety razor and shaving cream. And this can still happen, but what if you only have a safety razor?

Shawn

It can always be done if you put enough time to it, but the clogging of the blades is the biggest time-vampire. It's also friggin' annoying. After about half an inch of travel there's so much hair in the blades that it's now skipping across and not cutting anymore. This means the process takes forever, as you have to constantly swish the razor in the sink or run it backwards on a towel or whatever.


Okay, so here it is, with no warranty implied or stated:


1) Soak down your beard and foam it, like normal.

2) Instead of drawing the razor down until it jams, VIBRATE IT UP AND DOWN LIKE YOU'RE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH -- KEEPING THE RAZOR AGAINST YOUR FACE.

2 a) CRITICALLY IMPORTANT: THE HEAD OF THE RAZOR IS ORIENTED LIKE THE TOOTHBRUSH, NOT THE HANDLE OF THE RAZOR. SHUDDER. THE OTHER WAY IS...OKAY, NO...PUSHING IMAGE OUT OF MY BRAIN.

3) I sh*t you not.

4) Now just keep going (sideways, with razor moving up and down), and you'll leave a section clear of beard. Just keep going and going and going...the razor never jams!


It is the damnedest thing. The upwards movement must draw the hair back out immediately and keep the cutting edge clear. I don't know the actual up/down distance, but it was about 1/2 and inch to 3/4 of an inch with me. The foam and hair just keeps piling up beneath the razor and onto the handle. I tried it with both 2 and 3 weeks of beard. Again, it's the damnedest thing.

Are you in, genius?

I now take my place among the great inventors and geniuses in history. Since I'm not asking for money, although I ask that this method be known as the King T Shaving Method, I must also take my place among the world's great philanthropists. If enough money is forced upon me, I promise to relinquish the latter claim.


Besides the above time-saving and anti-frustration values of the King T Shaving Method, it's also:

- Y2K compliant (or places without power)
- Good at slowing the emission of greenhouse gases (which, when sourced by fossil fuels, may contribute to global warming)
- Just Plain Cool


If you know me, you now know a famous genius-guy. That must be cool for you.


Humbly,
King T

Smarter when cold out?

Sophie and the Flying Canoe

Kind of a cool art thing put on by MacEwan Fine Arts in Mill Creek Ravine this weekend:  

link:  The Flying Canoe Adventure

I didn't see it at night, but here are Sophie and I checking it out on Saturday afternoon. There are no pictures of me because all of the ones that Sophie took were either blurry or just of squirrels. She just doesn't have the patience. Or thumbs.

The start (down by the two houses in the ravine), and directions to the Trapper's Cabin.
One of us may be just about to dart to the right.

dogpile

On our way down the walking path, towards the Trapper's Cabin. 

Sophie's on high alert for mice in the haybales.

staying close and using the buddy system for safety

Just like the sign guaranteed...the Trapper's Cabin.  

Seemed cozy with the stove inside.

Sophie close, but not in pic...buddy system working great!

There were a lot of these decorative mini-lamppost things.  

If the explanation was on a sign, then I missed it - which was a common theme for me.

buddy system shot to hell; difference in footspeed becoming issue

I saw the sign for this, but didn't take a picture of it. 

Thus, my faulty memory has no idea what it was, so I'm calling it the 'Purple DNA Strand'.

Not enough resolution to zoom in on plaque - maybe the CSI guys could do it.

Sophie potentially, but unlikely, close by

These were cooler than the picture shows - they were lights frozen into spheres of ice.

Would've looked cool at night.

buddy system distant memory...dog over horizon

The main tent area - first aid tent and a larger tent to the left that isn't shown.

Polite laughter when I said that the homeless were sure organized this year.

It actually seemed like they hadn't heard the joke 100 times that weekend.

More about that quad later.

finally caught up to dog...had just eaten all their stores...sending quad for replacement foodstuffs

Base camp left, dog-troll guarding entrance to City of Lights.

resting, digesting food...stuffed

Not much contrast, so it's hard to see, but this small tent is The Mysterium.

Sorry, neither of us looked in, so whatever's inside it will remain a mystery.

5th attempt for picture

This is the Mira Animalium, with pictures of lots of animals.

Probably all native to Mill Creek Ravine at one time or another.

Irony of the dog missing from the Animalium picture isn't lost on me.

don't run ahead to the teepee...no...stay...stay

Not sure why I picked the most populous animal currently in the ravine - oh well.

what if this had been a real squirrel? I'd be dead...thanks Sophie

The relaxed artfulness of the juxtaposition of a black and brown Sophie on the white snow in front of a beige and blue teepee with an elk on it, which is itself in front of brown and green trees bathed in the failing rays of light as dusk nears...was at least the 8th freaking attempt. Every time I mumbled or said "Oh come on" when my phone camera timed out as I was backing up, Sophie obediently came. The woman on the quad was quite enjoying herself, thank you very much: "I could watch this all day."

In the order that we went anyway, this is the last of it. Pretty cool.

obviously no food inside

If you prefer a slighty more permanent amateur work of art, there's this graffito under the Whyte Ave bridge:

the eyes have it

The end.